


When the moon starts gleaming again

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Canon-Compliant, Captain Ennoshita, Confrontation, Friendship, Hanahaki Disease, Heavy Angst, M/M, Platonic Love, Post-Surgery, Tokyo Training Camp, Unrequited Love, falling in love with your bestfriend, just pure angst, side tsukkihina, side yamakage, they're in their second year, unrequited pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:48:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26136010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: When was the last time Tadashi saw Kei smile? He lost counts.Or simply, the aftermath of Kei’s surgery from removing his hanahaki disease.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 1
Kudos: 16
Collections: TsukkiYama Week 2020





	When the moon starts gleaming again

**Author's Note:**

> Day 5 of #tskymweek2020 with the prompts, hanahaki, smile and unrequited.
> 
> Italics are flashbacks btw.

“Good morning Tsukki!”

“Shut up Yamaguchi”

“Sorry Tsukki”

It was their usual conversation first thing in the morning. Kei waits for Tadashi and in a few minutes, the green-haired boy will leave his house with a bright smile on his face and a greeting to his friend. 

But it will always be rejected, replied with those three words that’s bitter in Tadashi’s ears. 

And before Tadashi could even ask Kei if they should start walking now, the taller one walked first making Tadashi follow him. 

They’ll be quiet as they walk their way to Karasuno high school. Mornings are supposed to be serene and peaceful but Tadashi prefered morning talks about how was their sleep or did Kei slept late watching those preppy american dramas. 

But he knows some things changed—a lot actually. He lowers his head as guilt starts to eat him. 

_ “Not now, not at this early morning” _

When was the last time he had a normal conversation with Kei? When was the last time he saw him smile? He lost count. 

Kei, he was a quiet kid to start but he became more quiet and cold, even to Tadashi. 

Tadashi keeps on reminding himself,  **_it was not his fault_ ** , it was not his fault that Kei has that damn disease, and all of the people Kei has to fall in love with, it has to be  **him** . 

And both of them know that. Kei knows that Tadashi will only see him as nothing more than as his best friend, a person he looks up to so that he can be cooler. His best friend knows that he’s with somebody else. 

It would always flash in Tadashi’s mind, the day he knew his best friend was in love with him. 

_ “Tsukki what the hell!?” _

_ Three bloodied roses are on the floor. Kei was holding his mouth and was coughing out loud, Tadashi immediately rushed to his best friend, holding his hand as he removed it from Kei’s mouth.  _

_ “Oh my…” he was speechless, petals and thorns are in his mouth, Kei pushes him away and vomits all of it on the sink.  _

_ “Tsukki, what is this?” He was confused, clueless and was completely in a state of shock to see his best friend vomit roses.  _

_ Kei calms down for a moment, he then looks at Tadashi and smiles at him.  _

_ That was the last time he saw Kei smile.  _

_ “I have the hanahaki disease” Tsukki announces  _

_ Hanahaki disease? Tadashi recalled it. It was a rare disease that happens to people who fell in unrequited love.  _

_ “W-with who” he was hoping that it was somebody else, Tadashi was wishing that it’s not him— _

_ “With you” _

Tadashi went blank for a moment, not noticing that Kei was nowhere to be found and they’ve reached Karasuno. 

“Hey” he was startled by a small tap on his shoulders 

“Are you okay?”

Tadashi smiles at him. Suddenly, all of his thoughts and the guilt are gone. 

“Of course”

_ “I’m sorry Tsukki” there were tears forming in his eyes.  _

**_“I answered Kageyama’s question…..we’re dating”_ **

_ “Hanahaki disease is for the unrequited love—“ _

_ “I know that one and stop telling me because it’s making me feel guilty Kei! I hurt you okay!? I hurt my only best friend!” _

_ Kei chuckles. “Best friend huh?” _

_ “Stop it Tsukishima” Tadashi mutters. “Please, I don’t know how long you had the disease but please for me, please had it remove Tsukki, you’re bleeding and thorns are coming out from your body and I jus—“  _

_ Tadashi was having trouble breathing, his vision is starting to get blurry as his mind is getting clouded with guilt, pain, and Kei’s situation. This is wrong, and all of it was his fault.  _

_ But Kei managed to catch Tadashi before he could even lose his balance. Tadashi’s eyes are starting to tear up once again as he can feel Kei’s heartbeat.  _

_ “Tsukki?” He whispered as Kei started coughing again, this time he knew that there was blood coming out from the latter.  _

_ Tadashi doesn’t know what Kei feels. How it hurts him to wake up every morning just to get those flowers and thorns out of him, how he’ll be scared to see drops of blood mixed with.  _

_ Tadashi doesn’t know how Kei will feel relieved that his disease doesn’t act up during class hours or while they were training or when they are together. But he doesn’t know that it hurts Kei more in the middle of the night where he’ll wake up with cold sweats running through his forehead and suddenly, he has to run to his bathroom because it’s happening again, he’ll face the mirror afterwards and feel pathetic to himself because it’s making himself more lonely and unloved that it’ll keep him awake at night wondering why Tadashi only see him as his best friend.  _

_ Tadashi doesn’t know, yet it hurts him, how the person he looks up to looks so fragile and weak because of him.  _

_ “I don’t want to do it Tadashi” Kei muttered. “I don’t want to perform the surgery, I’ll lose the memories of me being in love with you—I’ll lose our memories” _

_ “So you prefer to be hurt like this!?” _

_ Kei could only nod. “That’s how love works, unfortunately”  _

But Kei did perform surgery, Tadashi pushed him to his limits to the point where he was losing his life and he was left with no choice but to do it. He did lose a partial part of his memory and all he sees is that Tadashi is his best friend. 

And he changed ever since, and Tadashi had no choice but to accept it, it’s his fault anyways, that’s what he always said. 

“You’re still worried about Tsukishima?” Tobio asked. 

Tadashi nods. 

“Sometimes I wonder if you like him” his boyfriend taunted 

“What? Silly you, of course you’re the one I like” Tadashi defended. 

“I know that Tsukishima's been more colder and saltier than usual but I know how important he is to you, so don’t worry, I’m with you in this one” Tobio reassures, giving Tadashi a small kiss on his temples. 

“Thank you so much Kageyama” Tadashi whispers. 

“Oh by the way, the summer camp in Tokyo is next week, are you excited?” Tobio asked, changing the topic. 

Tadashi smiles at the thought. Last year’s summer camp was sort of a weird memory of him but this year, he was excited to see the other volleyball teams. 

“Of course!” 

-

Time flies eventually. The next thing Tadashi knows is that they’re in Nekoma High for the summer camp. 

The old bunch are there, everyone is excited to play and train nonstop, the competition arises as their former third years left the team, and with new faces having a hard time adjusting with them, this training camp will surely unleash their new skills just like last year. 

“Alright guys! Let’s win this one!” Chikara said with much enthusiasm making the team shout with joy. 

“Wait a minute, where’s Tsukishima?” Ryunosuke asked, noticing that they’re incomplete. 

“Tsukishima-kun said he’ll just go to the restroom. Yamaguchi how about you call—“

“I’ll get him” Shouyou volunteers, cutting Hitoka off. 

Tadashi lets him. Lately, Shouyou and Kei have been closer than usual, it’s not that Kei has opened up to the orange-haired latter, it’s just that Shouyou has been constantly annoying him. 

Tadashi wants to thank Shouyou, maybe this is a way for him to keep a wall between him and Kei. It’s not like that he’s breaking their friendship, they still walk to school together and eat lunch together, it’s just.  **It’s just not the same anymore.**

But having Shouyou to accompany Kei might result in him opening up and returning to his usual old self. 

_ Maybe Shouyou could make Kei smile again.  _

When Shouyou opened the door of the restroom, the first thing he saw was Kei crouching down the sink. 

“Tsukishima?” the latter called out, making Kei glance on him. 

He saw how Kei’s expression changed from fear to relief. 

“Are you—“ Shouyou can’t finish his sentence, he doesn’t want to open up Kei’s disease and he was hoping that it’s not what he thinks it is. 

“Stop assuming, once they remove all of the petals, I can no longer have the disease. I just felt nauseous” Kei excused. 

“Alright, well the game’s starting and we should be get going” 

Tadashi wanted to check on Kei the moment he returned, he was overthinking again. He unconsciously was biting into his fingernails which Tobio notices. 

“You’re worried about Tsukishima? why don’t you talk to him?” Tobio suggested

Tadashi stops. “I’m afraid he’ll shut me out” 

Tobio sighs. ”Do you want me to talk to him for you?”

“O-oh, no! it’s fine! I’ll do it, I just need to find some time” 

He just needs to corner Kei and that’s it, he knows that it’s partly his fault but he won’t let himself be treated like this. 

Kei shouldn’t have a partial memory of him being in love with Tadashi, so why did he become colder than usual? That's what has been bugging him the whole time, is it a side effect of the surgery? no, it shouldn’t be, he researched that most people who undergo the surgery don't have any side effects on them. 

Unless, Kei didn’t fully remove all of his petals. It could’ve been the reason. 

But why?

When Kei knows that Tadashi could only give him nothing but pure and plain platonic love. 

Is that how unrequited love really works? Is his best friend really that masochist to let himself be hurt? Tadashi hopes that it’s not the case. 

Tadashi hopes that Kei could find someone he can love like how he loved him. 

And as he looks at Shouyou who’s constantly been talking to Kei the moment he returns to the gym, he feels a moment of relief inside of him, he thinks that he doesn’t have to worry about his best friend at all.

-

Tadashi can’t concentrate. 

And everyone notices it. 

It’s been three days and he still hasn't talked to Kei, he tried to approach him but Shouyou’s always beside his best friend. He did recall that they’re practicing with some players from the other teams, and Tadashi was busy practicing for himself too that’s why he never had the opportunity to approach Kei. 

“Yamaguchi, you’re mentally not here you know that?” Chikara told him. 

Tadashi lowers his head. “Sorry, I’ll practice more” 

Their captain shakes his head. “Don’t overwork yourself, go get some rest so that you can concentrate tomorrow” 

“But—“

“Captain’s orders Yamaguchi” Tobio interrupted, holding his hand. “Come on, you haven’t eat dinner too” 

Tadashi had no choice but to follow the third year’s orders. Tobio accompanied him, and as the two of them exited the gym, a blow of cold wind welcomed them. Tadashi lets out a deep sigh which his boyfriend notices.

“You haven’t talked to him?” 

Tadashi nods. “I just can’t find the perfect timing”

“Don’t pressure yourself in this one, focus on yourself first alright?”

The two of them stopped when they heard a familiar laugh. 

Tadashi turned around and saw Kei and Shouyou, who eventually stopped when they noticed the couple. 

Everything suddenly became quiet and awkward, all they can hear are the crickets chirping and faded noises from the gymnasiums. 

“Tsukki---”

“Let’s go Hinata” Kei ordered which made the orange-haired boy raise an eyebrow.

“But why---”

Kei didn’t answer Shouyou and instead, he started walking again. Tadashi stood there, frozen from where he was standing, watching Kei walk away, until he was nothing but a thin, blurry line.

“W-wait, Tsukishima! What was that?!” Shouyou shouts, chasing after the taller. 

Tadashi wanted to cry, he wanted to call out Kei, he wanted to confront him just like what he did last summer camp.

People would think Tadashi cares too much about him, they’ll think that he really loves him. 

But there’s a difference between a platonic love and a romantic love, and Tadashi knows that his feelings don’t lie. He knows that he can’t love Kei the way he loves Tobio.

It’s funny how they said such things when Kei had the hanahaki disease in the first place because of Tadashi.

“I give up” he whispered to Tobio who only did nothing but pull him closer to his embrace. The raven-haired boy can feel his shirt getting wet with Tadashi’s tears as the latter tried his best to hold back his tears.

“Just let it all out” Tobio comforted “I’m here”

Tobio was right, he was there, there’s nothing for Tadashi to worry about. 

-

The training ended and it was in Tadashi’s relief that the remaining days after that night, everything became alright. 

He exerted all his stress on practicing more and eventually improving himself, he never got the chance to talk to Kei but he believes that it is better for them to be like this. 

It was their last night there, but Tadashi can’t sleep and he doesn’t know why. 

He’s been staring at the dark ceiling all night, trying to close his eyes and count the sheeps in his mind but he just can’t doze off. The thoughts inside of him aren’t there to keep him awake so he wonders why he’s still wide awake even though it was a tiring day.

Tadashi leaves the room quietly, deciding to go to the restroom to wash himself. 

The lights inside the restroom were open, Tadashi stops abruptly and stares at the closed doors. 

From the outside he can hear the running waters and coughing, suddenly his heart starts to beat fast. 

_ “Not again” _

Tadashi opens the door swiftly and there he was, the person who’s been avoiding him for god knows how long.

Like the day he found out that Kei has a hanahaki disease, it was like deja vu and Tadashi was shocked.

“T-tsukki?”

“Yamaguchi?” He could see the fear in Kei’s eyes, as he tried to wash off the flowers.

**Flowers.** How? Tadashi eyes on the half-full sink, there were flowers there,  **_sunflowers_ ** apparently.

“Yamaguchi--”

“Tsukki, what is this? I thought…..you said...why!? How?!” he was stuttering in his own tongue, it was too much to process, Tadashi can’t believe it. 

“I still have it Yamaguchi, I am so sorry” there were tears in Kei’s eyes. He was shaking in despair as he held onto the running sink. 

“I don’t understand” Yamaguchi whispers, covering his wide-opened mouth with his hand. 

“I just…..don’t want to lose you” Kei confesses, “but I don’t want to fall for you over again, but it hurts Yamaguchi”

Tadashi shakes his head, he then approaches Kei. “Tsukki, why do you have to do that? Why do you have to keep on hurting yourself” 

His cold personality was just a facade of his weak and fragile self, and everytime he breaks out of his shell, it was Tadashi who was there to witness every fall. 

“I’m sorry, I just can’t fully removed all those petals—“

“Bullshit Tsukishima! Why?! You know that I can’t love you the same way you love me and look at this! you have it again!”

There was a moment of silence between them. Kei stared at Tadashi who had anger written all over his face.

“Yamaguchi…...these aren’t yours” 

Tadashi creases his forehead. “What do you mean?”

“The flowers, this aren’t because of you, I don’t love you anymore”

Tadashi felt a relief inside of him but fades out immediately as he looked into Kei’s desperate eyes.

“Tsukki don’t tell me---”

**_“These are from Hinata”_ **

“Tsukki—“

“You don’t have anything to worry about Yamaguchi” Kei reassures him, giving him a faint smile. 

When was the last time Tadashi saw Kei’s smile? Right, it was seven months and twenty-five days ago, he can’t believe that he kept it on track. 

But then again, this wasn’t the smile he wanted, he wanted Kei’s smile where in his eyes turns into crescent moons along with his smile, he wants that smile where it’ll be followed by a fainted chuckled. 

And he couldn’t do anything but bitterly laugh, maybe he will never see Kei smile again.

And maybe, he never will be. 


End file.
